I have been trying to think about what to write for the past week. Life for me has changed so drastically since I started this blog. I spent the last week or so re-reading my blogs and I came to some conclusions.  The main conclusion is that I was SO unhappy. I am not quite sure what about. I think that life teaches us many things. I also think that things happen in your life as it should. We go through things to teach us and if we aren't willing or haven't learned the lesson, then I believe we become "stuck". This is where I think I was back then...STUCK. I believe that my surgery was my turning point. I am in such a different place. I am married with 2 beautiful children. Life is far from perfect but I enjoy every second of it...even when I am frustrated and tired as hell.

Since Jill's passing, I find myself re-evaluating life and the way that I look and live it. God has a plan for all of us and I believe that when we have served our purpose that is when he calls us home. I will never be the same. I know that Jill is still here. I believe that she will always be with me and Jillian. I only hope that I can help Jillian know who Jill was and what she meant to so many people. I will never forget calling her the day Jillian was born to tell her baby girl's name. She cried. She was so honored when really I was the one who was honored. Naming Jillian after her was only a small way of me letting her know what she meant to me. Jillian has some big shoes to fill (and lots of them).

I am not sure I have allowed myself to really grieve Jill's passing. I am not sure she would want me or anyone sitting around crying. I have had my moments. I want not to be sad but to celebrate her time on this earth. I was lucky to have had her in my life. I want to help her legacy live on through me and others. I know that she wanted to write a book and I would love to make that happen.

Until next time....