Love One Another

I have consciously chosen to not speak out on the violence that continues to plague our country. I am heart broken and I was unsure if I would be able to convey my thoughts clearly. Today, with a second ambush on police officers in Baton Rouge, I felt compelled to sit down and get my thoughts out.

I am not sure where and when this country became this broken. I know one thing is certain – there is not one person or group to blame. WE ARE ALL AT FAULT! As citizens of this country, we all bear the responsibility of upholding the principles it was founded on. As humans, we all deserve respect. However, respect is not just given. It is something that is earned. If you act a fool, then you will be treated as a fool – regardless of your skin color.

I am not going to debate whether this is a race issue. Until I walk in another person’s shoes and experience what they experience on a daily basis I can have no idea how that affects them. What I do know is this. I grew up as the daughter of a police officer. My father-in-law is a police officer. The police are here to protect me. It’s who I call when there is something wrong. I was always taught to give respect. I believe that is what is missing today – RESPECT!

In my belief, the focus needs to be on working together to come up with a solution. Meeting violence with violence doesn’t solve a thing. Our children have enough to worry about. We all need to take the opportunity to teach one another instead of resorting to violence.

I see it every day. People hurting. They have no idea how to cope with it. Some are angry. Some are depressed. Some are anxious. Some resort to self-harm to alleviate the pain. Some bury it deep inside. The reality is we need to reach out to one another. It is about being kind to one another.

I pray that we can find a solution to this violence. I look at my little ones and hope and pray it is before they are old enough to understand.

Until next time… 

Hate isn't the answer

There are no words to describe the horror of the Orlando massacre. I woke up to the news that Orlando, my home when I was in college, had suffered the deadliest shooting massacre in the United States. I have tried to make sense of it all day. I haven't been able to concentrate. Additionally, when the number of victims increased, I remembered how I felt on 9/11.

When is this going to stop? All this hate. We point fingers instead of looking at ourselves. We are all responsible for our own behavior. We can't control anyone else, but we can control how we respond to others.

In the coming days, there is going to be a tidal wave of emotions that descend upon us. Each one of us needs to support one another.This attack has effected each one of us in some way. Let's choose to end this cycle of hate and violence. Let's come together because UNITED WE STAND, DIVIDED WE FALL. It's time to remember why our forefathers created this great nation.

I pray for all involved. I pray for all the police, paramedic, fire fighters, and medical staff who worked HARD to protect each of us not only last night but each and every day. I pray that each therapist that will work with these affected people find the words to support each of these people.

I have so much to say but I am speechless at the same time.

Until next time....

It's just a word

Autism...IEP...My son is more than the words written on paper. He is funny, outgoing, lovable, and sometimes difficult. We all can be difficult. I mean he is 5 years old. When did our children have to stop being children and perform like they are adults?

The expectations at school have grown out of proportion. We are now making decisions in Kindergarten for children that somehow we as parents feel will affect the rest of their lives. Choice schools, charter schools, homeschooling, private schools...I want to scream because these are not decisions that need to be made at the age of five. When we were kids we just went to the school that we were zoned for. Now there are applications and lotteries to get into THE school. Geez, these kids are just that kids.

I see kids on a daily basis that are anxious, depressed, and lost. Yes, I said lost. They don't even know how to make some of the simplest decisions or they have so much on their plate that they don't know how to relax. When did our society turn into this? High schoolers are now taking college level courses in 9th grade. In 9th grade, I was worried about whether a boy was going to like me. College was in the back of my mind.

Ok...let me explain where this rant is stemming from. My son will be starting Kindergarten in August. I put an application in for a local charter school that has an amazing reputation. I believe that Gage would flourish in this environment. I had to turn in a copy of his IEP. I received a message today that he was ineligible due to the services his IEP requires - an IEP that was written in May 2015. I get it. The IEP is meant to protect Gage and provide services for him to be successful. But how can you make a determination off of a plan that was written last May for a child that is in a constant state of development. I would hope that any educator would be aware of child development and how quickly a child can change.

So maybe I am a little biased. But I think about all the children I see in my office weekly. The struggles their parents have with the school system. When did it become them versus us? I hold the belief that teachers play an extremely important role in our children's lives. I still remember specific teachers that touched me throughout my years in school. I know there are still those teachers like that. I have worked with them. I know they exist. Why can't we all work together for the benefit of these amazing little people and help them to flourish - even the ones with challenges. We all have challenges.

I don't want any parent to feel like I did today - helpless. My son is AWESOME because of all of his challenges and strengths. I only hope that others can see it in him.

Until next time...

Life and Lemons

I don't even know where to start this blog. It's been a little while since I have blogged...mostly because things have been going well and I have been crazy busy.

There has recently been some very good things happen and some not so good things happen in my life.  While I am trying to focus on the positive, it is very hard to not allow the negative to seep in. I wear my mask and in my moments of weakness, I embrace the flood of emotions that overtake me. I have learned a great deal about myself and others during this time - some things surprised me others did not. I realize you are only as strong as you have to be and sometimes that is pretty damn strong. I also learned that sometimes life can be derailed at any given moment, but that it is how you pick up the pieces that makes all the difference.

I can't change the past, nor would I ever want to. Life is sort of like a series of dominoes and until you make changes, they keep falling. We all play a part when something goes wrong. I don't believe that it is ever just one person's fault. Each one of us is a domino and it is up to us to play responsibly. With that said, I keep my focus forward and pray that each day gets easier and easier.

At this point, I want the positive changes to overshadow the negative ones.  I have been given the most amazing opportunity and been able to realize a life long goal - an office play room. I am so grateful for the opportunity and for the ability to give so many children and families the experience of play therapy. This will be what I hold on to. This is my happy place. I have also taken steps to pursue my PhD. Sometimes I think I should have my head examined but this is a goal I have had for a long time and I would love to realize it.

With Thanksgiving being tomorrow, I want to take the time to thank some amazing people in my life. Each one of them knows who they are and without them I am not sure I would have been able to get through the past few weeks. To them, I am extremely grateful an indebted to. It is in times of crisis that you see a person's true self.

Until next time...

Letting Go

There are times in our lives that define us. I have learned over the years that letting go of trying to control situations ALWAYS yields better results. I am not quite sure why I still try to control every situation...must be my OCD.

I believe that we are all put on this Earth to serve a purpose. I have always known that my purpose was to help others. It has been a lifelong dream of mine to be in private practice. Over the years the practicality of being employed somewhere always won out. I had my "excuses" - I needed health insurance, I have so much flexibility, it's too hard to start my own practice. Well it's time for me to rise above those excuses. 

At the beginning of this year I gave myself a goal. This goal was to be in private practice by the end of 2014. At some point this year, I put that goal on the back burner again. I was just going to give up on my dream. Little did I know that by relinquishing control I was actually helping myself. It is said that you can't force a square into a circle...what I have learned is that you can when that circle is big enough. 

So here we are 2 months left in the year and I am about to take the biggest leap of faith in my life. I am going to realize a lifelong dream. I know I need to do this now because I don't want to look back and always regret not trying. Even if I hit the ground face first at least I tried. I'm sure I will hear Jill telling me to get up and put my big girl panties on.

These past few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster. When I boarded the plane bound for Boston to honor and remember Jill, I was not quite sure how I was going to get through. However, Jill let me know she was with us as she always seems to do. Jill always had that way about her. She was so charismatic you couldn't help but to be drawn in. Whether you knew her for 5 minutes or 25 years, she had a lasting effect on you. She always wanted you to think that everything was going to be alright...even if it wasn't. 

The Gala was amazing and everything Jill loved. It was nice let loose and celebrate Jill. The Live Learn Breathe Foundation will be granting a $10,000 scholarship to a child with Cystic Fibrosis to help with college expenses. Jill always loved school and learning. I hope this scholarship can instill that in another. 

Thank you to Courtney, Suzanne, Kate, and Cynthia for all of their hard work. Jill is definitely smiling down on you guys!

Until next time...

Never Forget

As I sit here tonight on the eve of the day that shattered the way I viewed the world, I have so many emotions. I can't believe its been 13 years...it feels like yesterday. I remember clearly that Tuesday morning, probably more clearly than any other memory. I was at work at a staff meeting. I will never forget the raw feelings of that day. Watching TV for days...wanting, needing answers.

Every single American has their own memories of that day. I will never forget the feeling of being unsafe. For my entire life, I didn't know war. I only knew stories. This single act of terrorism shattered my sense of safety and security.

I had visited my friend Kelli in NYC the month prior to September 11th. That was definitely a trip to remember. She worked blocks from the World Trade Center. I will never forget going to see the Statute of Liberty on the ferry and the picture of the towers. There is a cloud covering the towers. It is very ominous. I still have that picture today.

September 11th will forever be etched in our memories. We can't allow these terrorists to win. We need to honor the lives those men and women lost that day. So tomorrow, do something nice for someone, say thank you to the men and women in uniform (any uniform). Let's unite as a nation!

Until next time...

Reminders

I know it's been a few months since I've posted. It's crazy how fast time flies by without you even realizing it. It's been a busy summer here in our household and now we are settling into the school year. Gage is still attending Pre-K at Loxahatchee Groves Elementary and Jillian started daycare. She is doing ok except for the daily screaming when I drop her off. But I am sure she will eventually get used to it.

Today is the one year anniversary of Operation Queen B Ash and Dash. I can say without a doubt that  those memories are some of the best and I will cherish them. I know Jill was smiling down on us that night. I was reminded again of her presence today. I found a small white feather by the leg of. My dining room table. Interestingly, it was the same table I bought when I lived in Plymouth with Jill. I know. She was telling me that she is still around even if it's been awhile since she's let me know. It couldn't have come at a more perfect time.

I was reminded this past week that the grief ninja can strike at anytime and any place. You would think I would be a pro at this. I am not sure that anyone becomes a pro no matter what specialized training they have. I have learned so much of what to say to grieving people. I will never tell a grief stricken person that it will get easier with time. Because I have learned that it doesn't get easier, it just becomes a new "normal". Telling them it gets easier makes the person feel like they are crazy when the pain doesn't subside. Everyone grieves differently and in their own time. Who am I to say what another persons grief looks like. I only know my own pain and grief.

I made a decision about 2 weeks ago to change some VERY BAD habits. I was introduced to Advocare by a good friend. At first, I thought there is no way this is going to work for me, but I was desperate. I was feeling like shit and tired ALL the time. I knew something had to change so I was willing to give it a try. I started their 24 Day Challenge. I couldn't believe the difference in how I felt after 1 day. I am not bullshitting anyone. I have not felt this good in years...probably not since right after I lost all my weight after my gastric bypass surgery. I have so much energy and I feel a huge difference in my clothes. I can't wait to weigh myself and do my measurements in 6 days. This is definitely something I can stick to.

Tomorrow is battle day in our household...Patriots vs. Dolphins. One of us will not be a happy person at the end of that game. So I am going to go to bed and try to get some rest before the showdown.

Until next time...