Well Jill is in the hospital again. I feel bad because I have been very moody lately. Itsjust very difficult. I know she feels like she isn't doing anything but she does more than she thinks. Sometimes I feel like I am not doing anything right around the house. Ok...so I like piles and they are sometimes all over the place...well most of the time all over the place. I just feel like I don't have enough space and that I don't have space that is mine. She is always worried that her mom is going to have a comment to say and then I get the backlash from that. Living in a roommate situation is so difficult. I enjoy living with Jill, plus I am not sure how many people would put up with me for this long. Anyways, maybe we both just need a little break. I am looking to meet some more people up here. I still don't have any friends that I hang out with besides Jill. The people I work with I haven't done anything with. I am not too good at this meeting new people thing. Match.com doesn't really seem to be working for me. I don't know may be there is something with me that I need to work on and thats why I can't seem to meet anybody. Weight loss is going ok....this past week and this week has been rough. I have been stressed and when that happens I eat. However I don't have much money (none) so I am sure that I will lose a couple of pounds. Unfortunately, I have learned my mother's ways in budgeting and am terrible at it. It makes living stress-free difficult. Living paycheck to paycheck is not fun...I am almost 30....I should be doing better than this. Hopefully I can get on track. Needless to say worrying about money doesn't help the anxiety situation....it actually has increased my anxiety attacks. Not a good thing. I hope that Jill feels better....I worry about her...Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers. Until later.......

This was the scene when I took Scooter out on Tuesday of this week. It was very pretty.

This basket is full of our winter wear - gloves, scarves and hats. Scooter has adopted it as a sleep place. I suppose it is warm and comfortable for him.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!! I want to wish everyone a happy turkey day. We all have a lot to be thankful for. I am thankful that I am actually losing some weight. I have been on weight watchers for 2 weeks and I have lost 6 pounds!!!!!! This makes me very happy. I am working towards my goal weight but I am doing this slowly. I have changed my mindset to just stay on track and not really look at the pounds I lose. I know that I can do this and I will succeed. This is my first Thanksgiving away from my family and it is a little weird. But Thanksgiving hasn't really been the same with my family for a while. Times change and with that so do the traditions. I decided at the beginning of this year that I was going to creat new traditions and I am trying to do this. Today is Scooter's 1st birthday. He received a Christmas collar from Detroit Joe and Auntie Jilly. He was so excited. I will post a picture of us later today. Until later.....

Ok. So it has been a long, long time since I have posted any blogs. I have been crazy busy. I have had so much going on in my life. I went to Nashville for the Association for Play Therapy conference. It was good. I also started teaching an undergraduate course this week. I am loving every second of it. Scooter has to have surgery. I guess he had a broken bone in his hind leg and I didn't know. Well now he is limping, so he is having surgery November14th.

Last Saturday, it snowed here. :) Nothing major, but it was so pretty. Now it has warmed up a little bit. The dog is not too sure about the snow. But I am sure he will be playing in it soon enough.

Ok. So I have been having a ton of wierd dreams. Especially dreams about my ex-boyfriends. So, knowing you can virtually any type of information on the web, I set out to do some searches. And to my surprise, he is married. My heart sunk into my stomach. I mean I know it is for the better. I guess I just want to know when it is going to be my turn. Everyone tells you to stop looking and that when the time is right it will happen. However, I am starting to wonder if it will ever happen.

Anyways...I will write some more later.

Well nothing like a reality check. I received my results of my blood work and my sugar was high. The doctor is going to retest it in 3 months, but until then I am supposed to be watching my sugar intake. Pretty scary. I know I need to make better decisions when it comes to food. I just find it so difficult. I get these cravings and they can be so overpowering. I am trying though. I have to for my health. I definitely don't like needles so I don't want to have to give myself insulin. That wouldn't be very good.

Work has been picking back up. I am starting to mentor new employees. I am meeting with the Director of the Attleboro campus of Fisher College on Thursday. I am hoping that I can start teaching some undergraduate courses. We will see.

Well I am feeling crappy....there's a lovely cold going around up here. So I am going to rest. Until later..........

I know, I know, I haven't been blogging lately. I have been really busy.

Last Thursday, I went to Patriots season opening game. It was an early birthday present from my aunt and uncle and the kids. I had so much fun. Of course the Patriots won 30-20.

I have to say that I think most of the time I live in a fantasy world. I don't mean that I am out of touch reality, I just mean that what I don't know won't hurt me. I went to the doctors about 2 weeks ago for my physical (finally). I would have to say that I have been avoiding it. In part because I didn't want to hear about my blood pressure or my weight. And of course, I heard about both. My blood pressure is 120/90. So the doctor added a blood pressure medicine. I know I have to lose weight so that my blood pressure goes down, but I am just at a complete loss of motivation. The doctor also did a complete blood workup and I should be hearing about the results this week. I guess I am in for a reality check. I guess I can't keep living oblivious to my health. We will have to see.

I have to get to work now, so until later........

Well today was an okay day. I guess I can't complain too much considering the devastation in Louisiana and Mississippi. I have a cousin (one of my favorites I must add) that lives in Philadelphia, MS. As far as I have heard, she is without power. I pray for all of those people. I am moved though to want to do more than just donate money. I know that is what they need the most. However, I think of the trauma responses and even those helping are going to need support. I am having difficulty finding out how to volunteer for crisis counseling. But I am not giving up, I will figure it out. Well on to another developing and ongoing saga, my battle. I went to the doctor's today (finally). I have an ear infection to start off with. My blood pressure is not getting any better 120/90. So I was started on another medication :( This doesn't make me happy and is a little discouraging. However, I am trying really hard. Right now I have to do a 12 hour fast so that I can have blood drawn tomorrow to test for everything and I mean everything. I also had to get a tetanus shot. Not fun if anyone knows me and my GIAGANTIC fear of needles. But at least it is done for the next 10 years. Jill has been dealing with me fairly well and I know I am an annoying and whiney sick person. I am also struggling with the decision about my doctorate degree. I am terrified that I won't get in, which is a fairly big reality because of the competitive nature of grad school. I have been contemplating an online university. But something makes me uncomfortable about it. I also need to increase my self confidence when it comes to my writing. I am so worried that I can never get anywhere. And then I am overly critical and can never get anything on the paper. I know I am smart. I know I can do it. I just don't understand what holds me back. Anyways, I am tired and my ear hurts. So, until tomorrow.........

Well today was relatively successful. I earned 3 out of 4 stars. The one I am slacking in is exercise. So I am going to try harder. It was terrible weather today ~ rain, rain and more rain. However, I want to count my blessings that I wasn't in the path of Hurricane Katrina. I also want to pray for all of those devastated by the destruction she caused.

To kind of fill in the blanks over the past week or so....Work has been very difficult. I have a few cases that it is very hard for me to separate from. And I have had to file some abuse reports. Not ever a fun thing to do.

Well its late and I am tired. Until tomorrow........

Ok so I am a big time slacker!!!!!! I have been so busy and not had enough time to blog. I am sorry to those who read it. I devised a new behavioral plan for myself to help me get back on track...it's called Carrie's Star Chart. I know it is a little childish, but if it works then why try anything else. Basically, I earn stars for engaging in 4 behaviors that will help me lose weight ~ drinking shakes, drinking water, eating a healthy dinner and exercising for at least 20 minutes. At the end of 6 weeks, if I have earned a certain amount of stars I earn my Nike Shox shoes. So I am starting this tomorrow. I hope it works.

Well I know this is short and I promise to get back on track blogging, but I need to get to bed. So until tomorrow.......

Well I had a very busy week and weekend. I am taking this course on barnesandnoble.com for simplifying your life. So, since I still haven't really settled in to my home, I decided that this weekend would be spring cleaning time. I enlisted the help of my trusted friend Jill to help me to get rid of the clutter and my piles (which drive her crazy). I did pretty well. However, I think I had a lot more anxiety than I anticipated because I ate way too much. So much that I had a stomach ache and I haven't done that in a long time. I feel bad because I feel like everytime I eat something not healthy that I am not only letting myself down but I am letting Jill down as well. I want nothing more than to give her my kidney. I did make a recovery on Sunday and had a shake a wonderful dinner thanks to Jill's mom. I felt much better. So I am back on the straight and narrow this week. Hopefully, I can maintain the motivation to keep going. I did do Tae Bo this morning. However, Billy Blanks kicks my ass. I think Ineed to start with a different Tae Bo DVD in order to build myself up to this one.

Well I am going to get back to my hill of paperwork...Until next time.......

This is my niece...one of my favorite people. This picture is from my last visit to Florida. I miss her so much!!!

Well I made it back to Massachusetts!!! I really did miss it here. Right now, I am sitting home with the animals. Jill went to her brother's rehearsal dinner. And for some reason, I am extremely sad. May be I just have too much to think right now. I don't know. But it is so easy to get discouraged when it comes to meeting new people and someone I could possibly fall in love with. With only 2 months left until my 29th birthday, I am really starting to dread this whole dating thing. And of course my weight plays into this big time. Unfortunately I can't seem to find someone who can see beyond the extra pounds. I know in my mind that I wouldn't want to be with someone that can't love me for who I am and not what I look like. But it doesn't make it any easier. It sucks.

On Barnes and Nobles website, there are web based courses that you can take. It is really interesting. I decided to take this course on simplifying your life....maybe that has something to do with my sad mood. I was on the site tonight reading and pondering the questions asked by the course instructor. I don't know....may be that is why I am still in therapy. I know that if this is the path that God wants me to take that I can accept it. I just feel a sense of loss. May be I need to go "church shopping" ~ try and find a church that fits my needs and I can still give back to God. Things seem to go much easier when I "let go and let God". I need to re-center myself. I am always trying to "find" something....only thing is, is that I have no idea what I am looking for. So when I figure it out, I will clue you all in.

Thanks to all of you for your continued comments and support.

Until tomorrow..............

Well today was interesting. I had to get measured for a bridesmaid dress for a wedding that I am in early next year. That's never a fun thing. And of course bridesmaid dresses always run small. However, you know that it is not a good thing when they charge you extra money because of the size of your dress. The frustrating thing is that I am so determined to lose the weight that I am now going to have to also pay to have it altered. Oh well!!!!!!!!! Such as life.

Well I am heading back home tomorrow. I really miss it up there. I can't wait to get home. You don't know what you're missing until you have some distance from it for a little while. While Florida will always be "home", Massachusetts is my home now. I was reminded very clearly why I moved. I don't regret the move for one second. I know that things up there will fall into place when it is time. It's just nice to be around people who actually appreciate what you do for them. I am so grateful for them.

Until tomorrow..........

Well today was a terrific day. I am doing great sticking to drinking my shakes. And today I took Scooter to a dog park and walked around for about 30 minutes. It was great, even though I was sweating because it was so hot and sticky. Gotta love Florida!!!!!! I am staying focused on my goal. Jill is talking about going to homecoming in November, so I want to lose at least half of my weight before then. I want to knock the socks off of everyone. :)

Well I am tired and the Sixth Sense is on so until tomorrow..........

Well I have been in Florida for 3 days. I started the shakes again on Saturday morning. So far so good. I have been staying on the plan. No snacking and then dinner. I can already feel a difference in how I feel. When I get back to Plymouth, I am going back to the gym. After 6 weeks of going 3 to 5 times a week, I can get my Nike Shox shoes!!!!!!! I have to figure out a way to get myself motivated.

Nothing has changed here in West Palm Beach. I am just reinforced in my decision to move to New England. I definitely don't miss it here. I do miss being in New England right now. I miss Jill, Detroit Joe, and Mattie. I hope things are going well up there. Scooter was great on the plane ride down here. Not a peep from him on the planes. He is the best puppy ever.


Until tomorrow......

Ok...so I am trying to keep up with this at least a few times a week. Not being very successful. That's how things feel right now throughout my life. I am having difficulty making good choices when it comes to food. I am not sure why. It could be that I am feeling sad and sorry for myself. I am not sure. I think I am also having the opportunity to actually reflect on myself more often now. Jill has been feeling better and getting out more, which I am so happy about. But it gives me more time to have to think and focus on myself. Something I don't particularly like to do. I struggle with the notion that I may be alone for the rest of my life. If that is God's plan, then I accept it (but I can't pretend to be happy about it). I know that good things come to those who wait, but how long does one have to wait. How can I be happy without feeling so lost and empty inside? Is is possible?

I head back to Florida on Friday. I am taking Scooter with me after the fiasco of leaving him home with Jill the last time. Maybe the break from work will be good for me. I think I need to rejuvenate myself.

Until tomorrow......

Well it's been about a week since my last blog. I would like to say that I haven't had time to blog because I have been working out, however that was not the case. I have been really busy with work. I am still trying to find the motivation to get back to the gym. So I decided today to do the next best thing to the gym....walk the mall!!! I had a fleeting though of going into Boston and walking the Freedom Trail, but I got up too late. It was a good jump start to my afternoon. It energized me so that I came home and cleaned my room, did my laundry and got organized for this week at work. It felt great to accomplish so much in such little time. I am realizing that I need motivation to get to the gym. If only I had a buddy ~ someone who can get me going when I don't want to get there. I am focused on getting back on track this week. I am off to Florida again on Friday. Wish me luck.....Until tomorrow.......

Well I have taken a week or so off of the shakes....Making every excuse possible not to make them. So I went ahead and made 2 shakes tonight. That way if I wake up late there is no excuse.

It is horribly hot in the house today. I am not sure how much longer I can survive this without the coolness of air condition. I cant' wait until it gets cold again. I am sure everyone here would curse me if they heard me say that. But I enjoyed the winter that I experienced this year. I guess the real test will be an entire winter.

On another note, I went to therapy last Wendesday. My therapist always gets me thinking. This whole nurturing thing is very hard for me grasp. I am tired of experiencing the pain of my childhood. I want nothing more but to move ahead with my life and be happy. I guess I need to actually let go of those feelings from childhood before I can move on. I am not sure exactly of how I can nurture myself. It is not something that I am familiar with. But I am giving it a try.

Well I am going to jump in the shower and try to cool off.....Until tomorrow........

Ok...so I have been slacking in the blogging department. I have been trying to catch up with everything since returning from my trip to Florida. Let's see....eating hasn't been so good the past few days. I havent' really been planning my days like I should. I also have been waking up late so that it is impossible for me to make a shake. I am making a shake this morning. Hopefully I can get back on track. My goal for this weekend is to make it to the gym at least once. And then I will set a goal for next week. Well I need to finish getting ready for work. It is so hot in the house, the air is broken. Not so good.

Until later.........

Well I am getting ready to head back to Massachusetts and I am actually excited. I didn't think that I would miss it that much but I am homesick and miss the animals. I owe Jill a million for taking care of them. I went to good old Girls and Boys Town this morning. Nothing changes there. It was good to see everyone. But I am definitely happy where I am. It was the best move for me.

Last night, we ordered pizza ~ Pizza Hut pizza. I haven't had pizza in a long time. And I paid for it. I was up at 1:30 in the morning with an upset stomach. I guess that shows me. No more greasy pizza for me. Well I need to start packing up.

Until tomorrow.......