I HATE MOVING

Moving really sucks. And when you move 1500 miles, it REALLY SUCKS!!!! There has been yet another change of plans. My brother was unable to secure affordable airfare, therefore I will pack up my car with the essentials and the animals and head home to West Palm next week for some interviews. Then I will fly my happy ass (hopefully with someone willing to help) back to Boston, pack up the rest of my stuff and drive (yet again) back to West Palm. This seems to be the best solution right now. I am not sure of any other way.

I saw my surgeon today. She is happy for me that I am moving home. She told me to stay in touch and send her an email from time to time. I really like her. She is the best. She also said that she was going to find me a bariatric surgeon down there to follow me. As for my progress, I am doing well. I have lost a total of 31 pounds. My incision is completely healed so I am able to go swimming and take a bath if I wanted. :) My sense of smell is getting a little better. I am also able to add in some fruits and vegetables as long as I am getting my protein in. I promise I will post some pictures this weekend.

Well thats all for now...Until next time.......

Moving

Today was a boring day. I did nothing. Story of my life right now. I am trying to get everything packed up before my brother arrives that way he just has to load the truck and we can be on our merry little way. Although, I am a little stressed right now. Since the surgery, I haven't really been working that much so money is VERY tight and I am trying to scrape up enough so that I can get back to Florida. The weekend of the 15th is the only weekend that my brother is able to come up to help. So, I am praying that God will provide and that the gas prices continue to drop. So everyone pray with me. I would say that I am probably half way packed. This weekend I am going to go to my aunt's to say my goodbyes. I know that my cousins are going to have a difficult time with this. I spoke with my aunt today and she told me that she was going to tell them tonight. I hope they took it ok.

Well thats all for now. Until next time.......

Week 5

ARGGGGGGGGGHHHHH! I was trying to post and I lost it. So I have to start from scratch. I have been busy packing and getting things tied up for my move. It looks like I will be heading back to sunny South Florida on Sept. 15th. My brother and his new wife (whom I have never met) are going to fly up to drive back with me. I am still on a lift restriction so I can pack but I can't lift anything over 10 pounds - which is everything. My friend Tara has a vacant townhouse that she owns, so I will be staying there until I can figure out what I want to do on a more permanent basis. I am also still working on obtaining a job. I am not worried. I know that God will provide.

Weight loss is going good. I have lost about 29 pounds. I have to go see the doctor for my 6 week follow up appointment on Friday. I also get to add some new foods to my diet this week . YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I never thought I would be excited to eat vegetables. I have been having issues with eating over the past week becuase my snese of smell is incredibly good since the surgery. I smell something and I get naseaus. It really sucks.

Gizmo is doing well since we have returned home. Although, I think he knows something is up because when I am packing he is sitting on my lap. He has calmed down a lot and is not chewing on my hand as much. He is also listening better. And he is going to the bathroom outside for the most part.

Well I can't seem to remember everything I wrote in the other post that is lost. So thats all for now. Until next time.......

1 Month

Well I just made the most difficult decision I have had to make in awhile. I have decided to move back to Florida. I have realized that the time I needed away from there is done. I have learned a lot and I am just ready to go home. I miss my friends and yes even my family. I have a support network down there that I don't have here. So, I am going home at the end of September. I have enjoyed my time in Massachusetts and I have learned a lot about myself.

I have lost 26 pounds as of today. I am so happy. I am adjusting and I know that I still have a long road ahead of me. Thanks to everyone for all your support.

Until next time......

Day 28

Well I have made it through another week. I have 2 weeks until I can add some more foods into my diet. Carbs!!!! Yeah. Everyone asks if I am hungry and the luckily I am not. I am still trying to figure out how I feel. I don't think I can explain how I have felt since the surgery. I just feel different - physically. I never realized how difficult the recovery would be. I have been an emotional trainwreck. I spent all last weekend at home crying- for no reason that I could tell. I know that my hormones are crazy because I am not on my birth control because it increases the chances of blot clots forming.

I have made it through almost 2 weeks back at work. Everyday gets a little easier and I get a little stronger. Although I know I probably won't feel completely like myself until at least 6 weeks after the surgery. My incision is starting to hurt less. I decided to take my pain medication at night so that I get a really good night's sleep in order for my body to recoup.

Well I am tired. Until next time.....

Day 20

Well I ended up staying home today. I was up half the night last night in the bathroom. I am not quite sure what was going on but it was not fun. So, I was very nervous to leave the house today. I stayed home and rested and took it easy on the food. I am supposed to have 5 - 2 ounce meals a day. I had 3 today. I was just nervous and wanted to see how my stomach and digestion went.

I am glad to be back home. I missed my bed and the kitty. She didn't destroy the house as I thought she might have. She did throw up on my bed though. So, Jill came up and helped me make my bed and then ran some errands with me. The doctor wants me to keep driving to a minimum. So we went to Walmart, PetSmart, and Stop and Shop. My grocery bill was the best. It wasn't even $50. And that will probably last at least a week. :)

I have a doctor's appt on Friday to get the last 3 staples out. I may try to get Jill to take a picture of the scar for those of you who are curious. It really isn't that bad. Although I can't really touch it yet. It freaks me out.

Well its late and I am tired. Until next time.......

Day 14

2 weeks!!!!!!!!! I made it. I was able to eat soft solids today. And there were no problems. Yippee!!! It was amazing to me how quickly I felt full. I am also trying to learn what full and hungry feel like. I think I have figured out full. I did the best today with my protein and water goals. I had 58 grams of proteing today and 50 ounces of water. I also felt my best today. That makes me feel better after my day yesterday. I know that this journey is going to be full of ups and downs and I am trying to prepare myself for that. But I never know when it is going to hit. But today was a good day. I had eggs for breakfast, ham for lunch, ground turkey for a snack and dinner, and eggs for a snack in the evening. I was definitely very excited to actually be eating food. I didn't have any issues and that made it even better. My incision looks really good. The top part is healing well. I can't see the bottom, but my aunt reports that it looks good also. I head home on Monday 8/14 and can't wait to get there. I just want my stuff. Jill is going to come up and help me with making my bed (since I can't lift anything more than 10 pounds). I am so thankful for the help. Then on Tuesday, it's back to work. Yeah. I never thought I would be that excited to get back to work, but I am so bored I am going out of my mind. Well its late so that's all for now. I will post pictures tomorrow. Until next time......

Day 13

Wow. I get to eat soft solids tomorrow. Yippie!!!! Today was a rough day. I woke up feeling a little nauseous. It actually lasted all day. I barely got in any protein today. I am also experiencing some really bad leg cramps. I called the PA and she suggested that I drink propel and try to mash up some bananas. I am still having some tonight. I was also very emotional today. Probably a combination of going off my birth control (because it increases the liklihood of blood clots) and I haven't taken my Lexapro since the surgery. So needless to say I am on a crazy roller coaster. I was thinking today, "What the hell did I do", "Did I make the right decision". I was also wondering when it is gonna get better. My incision is looking better tonight. It is starting to close up. The top part looks great. It is completely healed. I am not sure what I weigh because the scale is on the fritz. However, I will weigh myself first thing tomorrow morning because the battery has been changed in the scale. I will try to get some pictures up also. It's late and I am tired. Until next time......

This has been a rough week. I am really emotional because I haven't been taking my anxiety medication because it is too big and I can't seem to get it cut small enough. Anyways, Gizmo won't stop shitting in the house and it is obviously driving my aunt and uncle crazy. I don't know what else to do to potty train him. I have tried taking him out every 2 hours and taking him out right after he eats. Problem is, he doesn't do anything outside and then when he comes inside, he does his thing. I am not sure how else to get him to learn to go to the bathroom outside.

I also feel like I am an intrusion at my aunt and uncle's house. I have been here so much. I also just want my own bed and things. But I am not allowed to drive, so I am basically stuck here. It sucks. I want to go back to work because I am so bored, but again the no driving thing. I don't have anyone that can drive me to and from work so I am stuck here. It is depressing at times. And that can be an overwhelming feeling right now. I am not quite sure how to aleviate that.

On another note, I am so grateful to everyone who has helped me out or supported me on this journey. I know that it isn't going to be an easy one, but I am on my way and there is no turning back (not that I would).

Until next time......

Week 1 Results

Well I just got home from the doctor's office. The total weight loss for week one is 12 pounds. :) YEAH!!!!!! I get to eat some real food next week, probably Thursday. I think I will try some eggs. YUM!! It has been a tough week and I am so grateful to everyone who has helped me during this week. I haven't been the nicest and I apologize for that. I am so excited about the initial weight loss and I know that it won't be this much always. I know the first month is always the most and then things start to slow down. Welll back to sipping my fluids.... Until next time.......

RECOVERY TIME

Oh my God!!!! Jill was so right when she said abdomenal surgery sucks!!!!!!! I am on a lift restriction - no more than 10 pounds. I don't even know if I can lift that. As some of you know, they had to convert to an open bypass. It seems that my abdominal muscles are too strong and they were unable to put enough air in me to be able to see well enough to complete the surgery laproscopically. Anyways, they opened me up and I have a ton of staples. I am not sure how long they will be in for. I go to the surgeon's office on Friday for a follow up appointment. My baby sister, Faith, will be flying in on Wednesday to help me for the next week. I am not sure what I am going to do after that. I never would have thought that it would be this painful. And I am trying not to take that much pain medicine. It seems that a side effect is constipation, which really doesn't make things feel any better down in the abdomen region. Anyways, I am trying to stay hydrated. Although the hospital put enough IV fluids in me. I swear I had at least 15 pounds of extra water on me. It is really amazing to me how many things we take for granted everyday. It hurts to cough, laugh, and even to yawn.

I am tired. More next time..........

Round Two!!

Well here I am the night before my second attempt at having this surgery. I am very excited for it to be done. I am tired of not being able to breathe when I am walking. I had someone ask me how I became this big. There is no answer for that. It's like asking someone why they eat. We eat to survive. And unfortunately, I would eat and eat. Some people are addicted to drugs, alcohol, shopping, and gambling. My addiction over the past few years has been food. Some use food for emotional reasons. My weight is representative of so much that has happened to me over the past years. It was a gradual gain of usually 10 or 15 pounds a year. As one gets older, the weight is harder to get off.

RENT is one of my favorites broadway musicals EVER. I have seen it 5 times and seen the movie. I basically have the entire musical memorized. To me, it is more than a story line. The words are very true. "No Day but Today" Live for today because you might not have tomorrow. "The heart may freeze or it can burn. The pain will ease if I can learn. There is no future. There is no past. I live this moment as my last. There's only this. Forget regret or life is yours to miss. No other road. No other way. No Day but Today." These lines from the musical are so true. This surgery is a new start for me - a new chapter in my book.

Until next time......

Here we go again!

Let's hope that the second attempt at this is better than the first. I am going in on Thursday 7/27/06. I won't know what time until Wednesday evening. Anyways, I am going to work for the beginning of this week and then take off. Let's hope all is well.

I want to say a MILLION thanks to everyone for their prayers and support. This was one of the most difficult decisions in my life to make. I know that it is the right decision even with the mishap. This procedure is the start of a fresh chapter for me. So, keep me, the surgeon, and the machinery in your thoughts and prayers.

I will update everyone later this week.

Until next time.......

A Second Attempt

Well, I met with the surgeon this morning. Basically, the surgery will be attempted again and if she can't do it laproscopically, she will convert it to an open bypass. I would much rather have the surgery performed laproscopically. But I want it done and I don't care how it is accomplished. I just might need some extra help after the surgery should it need to be done open. So, right now I am on the schedule for August 1st however, we are trying to rearrange the schedule so that I can have it done next Thursday. I have to wait until Monday to see if I can get that done.

Until next time.........

Disappointment

Well I went in for the surgery today and everything was going well. I was given the IV and they put me under the anesthesia. However, when the surgeon went to blow my abdomen up with gas so that she could work there seemed to be an issue. She tried for about an hour and then cancelled the surgery. Needless to say, I am very disappointed. BUT, that is not the end of the story. She had another surgery scheduled and she was having the same difficulty and decided to try another machine. That machine was fine. When I spoke with the surgeon, she said that we have a couple of options. So, I will be calling to make an appointment for Friday to discuss those options. It looks like I might end up having the surgery August 1st (my original date). I guess everything happens for a reason.

Thank you to everyone for their words of encouragement and support. This truly has to be the hardest thing I have ever done.

Until next time.........

Finally!!!

Ok, as promised here is a before picture. It isn't pretty. I have been really uncomfortable the past few days and I am very happy that the surgery is finally here. I am the first surgery of the day 7:30 am. So, that means that I have to be at the hospital at 5:30 am. Yippee!!!

I know I have been telling everyone that I am not nervous, but today my anxiety was off the charts. I am not sure if it is just excitement or nervousness. Anyways, I am trying to stay calm and breathe deep. I just downloaded some relaxing music on my IPOD and plan on listening to it before the surgery tomorrow.

As of my appointment with the doctor this morning, I weighed 250 pounds. I never in a MILLION years thought I would ever weigh this. So, I am getting a fresh start and will work harder than ever to become more healthy.

I will try to post something tomorrow after the surgery. Thanks to everyone for their support and words of encouragement. It means so much to me.

Until next time.........

Information

Ok, for those of you haven't figured out what surgery I am having I will fill you in. I decided to have gastric bypass surgery. It took a lot of thought, prayer, and deliberation. I have high blood pressure and I have had it for more than 2 years. I also recently found out that I have high cholesteral. I am not even 30 yet!!!! So with these health issues I decided that this would be the best option. the procedure will last about 3 hours and then my stomach will be itty bitty. Initially, it will only hold about 1 ounce at a time.

If you look at the picture I have posted, this is what the finished product will look like. So, I am off to the hospital tomorrow for my pre-op appointment. And then I see the doctor on Monday. I am getting so excited and I am happy that this week is almost over.

Until next time...........

Preparation

I am starting to get everything together for the surgery. It is finally real to me. I am not nervous, but excited. I want this fresh start on life so badly. I have found myself sleeping a tremendous amount lately. A way of avoiding life - I guess. I try to figure out what I am avoiding but can't put my finger on it. I am going to be very busy over the next week. My aunt and grandmother return from Florida on Friday (14th). My mom will arrive on the 17th (Monday). I also have my pre-op appointment that morning.

I know that this surgery isn't going to fix everything in my life. It is only going to make some things a little bit easier to handle.

Until next time.........

Finally!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well I receivd a phone call from the doctor's office. I am scheduled to have my surgery on July 18th. YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now I am waiting to hear back from the doctor's office as to when the pre-op appointment will be. I am so excited. I feel like I am getting a new lease on life. This time I am going to do it right. This is a second chance for me and I am so grateful for this opportunity.

I will post more news as it follows and as promised the night before the surgery I will post my stats and a picture. Soon there will be a new me!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

Until next time...........

Introducing.....

Well it has taken a little while but here is the new baby Gizmo. We went to Auntie Jill's and surprise he matches the color of her iced coffee. He is doing well and growing. I will get more pictures up soon.

Surgery update:

I am tenatively scheduled to have the surgery on August 1. I am going to confirm that this week (hopefully). I am getting really anxious to get the procedure done. I am also really sick and tired of walking and becoming hot and sweaty!!! It is really disgusting. I looked it up on webmd and they said it is exertional heatstroke. I call it uncomfortable and gross. Who would want to come near me like that. Not to mention, it is next to impossible to do anything. Walking around the mall is miserable (even in air conditioning). Well hopefully I won't have to deal with it much longer.

Thanks to everyone for their support it is appreciated very much. Well it is late and I am tired.

Until next time..................................