Well today was an okay day. I guess I can't complain too much considering the devastation in Louisiana and Mississippi. I have a cousin (one of my favorites I must add) that lives in Philadelphia, MS. As far as I have heard, she is without power. I pray for all of those people. I am moved though to want to do more than just donate money. I know that is what they need the most. However, I think of the trauma responses and even those helping are going to need support. I am having difficulty finding out how to volunteer for crisis counseling. But I am not giving up, I will figure it out. Well on to another developing and ongoing saga, my battle. I went to the doctor's today (finally). I have an ear infection to start off with. My blood pressure is not getting any better 120/90. So I was started on another medication :( This doesn't make me happy and is a little discouraging. However, I am trying really hard. Right now I have to do a 12 hour fast so that I can have blood drawn tomorrow to test for everything and I mean everything. I also had to get a tetanus shot. Not fun if anyone knows me and my GIAGANTIC fear of needles. But at least it is done for the next 10 years. Jill has been dealing with me fairly well and I know I am an annoying and whiney sick person. I am also struggling with the decision about my doctorate degree. I am terrified that I won't get in, which is a fairly big reality because of the competitive nature of grad school. I have been contemplating an online university. But something makes me uncomfortable about it. I also need to increase my self confidence when it comes to my writing. I am so worried that I can never get anywhere. And then I am overly critical and can never get anything on the paper. I know I am smart. I know I can do it. I just don't understand what holds me back. Anyways, I am tired and my ear hurts. So, until tomorrow.........

Well today was relatively successful. I earned 3 out of 4 stars. The one I am slacking in is exercise. So I am going to try harder. It was terrible weather today ~ rain, rain and more rain. However, I want to count my blessings that I wasn't in the path of Hurricane Katrina. I also want to pray for all of those devastated by the destruction she caused.

To kind of fill in the blanks over the past week or so....Work has been very difficult. I have a few cases that it is very hard for me to separate from. And I have had to file some abuse reports. Not ever a fun thing to do.

Well its late and I am tired. Until tomorrow........

Ok so I am a big time slacker!!!!!! I have been so busy and not had enough time to blog. I am sorry to those who read it. I devised a new behavioral plan for myself to help me get back on track...it's called Carrie's Star Chart. I know it is a little childish, but if it works then why try anything else. Basically, I earn stars for engaging in 4 behaviors that will help me lose weight ~ drinking shakes, drinking water, eating a healthy dinner and exercising for at least 20 minutes. At the end of 6 weeks, if I have earned a certain amount of stars I earn my Nike Shox shoes. So I am starting this tomorrow. I hope it works.

Well I know this is short and I promise to get back on track blogging, but I need to get to bed. So until tomorrow.......

Well I had a very busy week and weekend. I am taking this course on barnesandnoble.com for simplifying your life. So, since I still haven't really settled in to my home, I decided that this weekend would be spring cleaning time. I enlisted the help of my trusted friend Jill to help me to get rid of the clutter and my piles (which drive her crazy). I did pretty well. However, I think I had a lot more anxiety than I anticipated because I ate way too much. So much that I had a stomach ache and I haven't done that in a long time. I feel bad because I feel like everytime I eat something not healthy that I am not only letting myself down but I am letting Jill down as well. I want nothing more than to give her my kidney. I did make a recovery on Sunday and had a shake a wonderful dinner thanks to Jill's mom. I felt much better. So I am back on the straight and narrow this week. Hopefully, I can maintain the motivation to keep going. I did do Tae Bo this morning. However, Billy Blanks kicks my ass. I think Ineed to start with a different Tae Bo DVD in order to build myself up to this one.

Well I am going to get back to my hill of paperwork...Until next time.......

This is my niece...one of my favorite people. This picture is from my last visit to Florida. I miss her so much!!!

Well I made it back to Massachusetts!!! I really did miss it here. Right now, I am sitting home with the animals. Jill went to her brother's rehearsal dinner. And for some reason, I am extremely sad. May be I just have too much to think right now. I don't know. But it is so easy to get discouraged when it comes to meeting new people and someone I could possibly fall in love with. With only 2 months left until my 29th birthday, I am really starting to dread this whole dating thing. And of course my weight plays into this big time. Unfortunately I can't seem to find someone who can see beyond the extra pounds. I know in my mind that I wouldn't want to be with someone that can't love me for who I am and not what I look like. But it doesn't make it any easier. It sucks.

On Barnes and Nobles website, there are web based courses that you can take. It is really interesting. I decided to take this course on simplifying your life....maybe that has something to do with my sad mood. I was on the site tonight reading and pondering the questions asked by the course instructor. I don't know....may be that is why I am still in therapy. I know that if this is the path that God wants me to take that I can accept it. I just feel a sense of loss. May be I need to go "church shopping" ~ try and find a church that fits my needs and I can still give back to God. Things seem to go much easier when I "let go and let God". I need to re-center myself. I am always trying to "find" something....only thing is, is that I have no idea what I am looking for. So when I figure it out, I will clue you all in.

Thanks to all of you for your continued comments and support.

Until tomorrow..............

Well today was interesting. I had to get measured for a bridesmaid dress for a wedding that I am in early next year. That's never a fun thing. And of course bridesmaid dresses always run small. However, you know that it is not a good thing when they charge you extra money because of the size of your dress. The frustrating thing is that I am so determined to lose the weight that I am now going to have to also pay to have it altered. Oh well!!!!!!!!! Such as life.

Well I am heading back home tomorrow. I really miss it up there. I can't wait to get home. You don't know what you're missing until you have some distance from it for a little while. While Florida will always be "home", Massachusetts is my home now. I was reminded very clearly why I moved. I don't regret the move for one second. I know that things up there will fall into place when it is time. It's just nice to be around people who actually appreciate what you do for them. I am so grateful for them.

Until tomorrow..........

Well today was a terrific day. I am doing great sticking to drinking my shakes. And today I took Scooter to a dog park and walked around for about 30 minutes. It was great, even though I was sweating because it was so hot and sticky. Gotta love Florida!!!!!! I am staying focused on my goal. Jill is talking about going to homecoming in November, so I want to lose at least half of my weight before then. I want to knock the socks off of everyone. :)

Well I am tired and the Sixth Sense is on so until tomorrow..........