Peace

Well the residency is over tomorrow and I am heading home. I can't wait to see Scooter. I miss him so much. I was cleaning out my car and I found a poem that I got in college. I thought I would post it here.

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security. And you begin to understand that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises. And you begin to accept your defeats with your head held high and your eyes wide open, with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child. You learn to build your roads on today, because tomorrow's ground is tgoo uncertain and futures have a way of falling down in midflight. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong. And that you really do have worth and that you keep learning. With every goodbye you learn.

Until tomorrow..........

New Hampshire

I have to say that I am enjoying New Hampshire. The weather has been beautiful and I have been able to relax without worrying about anything. Scooter is at home with Jill and I am very appreciative for this. Things are tense between us, but I hope they can settle soon. In other news, I found a place to live a few towns away. Good news is I can take the kittie and the dog. Yippie!!!!!! Now I just have to get packing so that I can move at the end of the month. A new chapter begins and the wait to see how things go. I see the doctor on May 5th. Only 1 week to go!!!!!!! I am excited. I have a positive feeling about this decision. I have my reasons for choosing to do it the way that I am. Once it is all finished, I will tell those who need to know. This is a health concern for me.

The residency isn't what I thought it would be. However, I am enjoying the intensive seminar on forensic psychology. It is very interesting. Well I am exhausted. Until next time......................

Happy Easter

HAPPY EASTER!!!!!! I am not sure I have much new news to report. I have decided to try and lose some weight befor my appointment on May 5th. I am going to try to do the Atkins diet. I have to only get through this week and then I will be in New Hampshire next week for school. I need the break frm reality. I don't know what I am going to do about the living situation, but I have to figure out something. I don't know how I am going to afford living by myself plus taking the time off after the surgery. I have to hope and pray that God will give me the answer. Thanks to my faithful readers or reader Musketeer #2. I really needed those words of encouragement.

Until next time.............................

I told you that I wouldn't be good at blogging everyday. It's too difficult to put my life in words sometimes. The countdown is on....only about 3 weeks left until my appointment. I am getting so anxious. I just want it done already. I have never been so uncomfortable in my entire life. Who would have thought that I would ever get this big?! I guess thats my genes working overtime. Lucky me. In other news, Jill is spending a lot of time with her new boyfriend and his daughter. She tries to include me, but I have always been the third wheel. I was in college and I don't want to be the "tag-along" anymore. I know she only means the best, its just difficult. I am scared, too. I am scared that I will be all alone. That is a very real reality. I guess it feels like things will never work themselves out and the one thing I truly want more than anything, I will never have. I find that I am always searching for something and never finding "it". I know I need to let go, but that is too difficult for me. I only pray that God can give me the courage and strength to accept whatever turns my life takes. I never in a million years thought I would be single at 30. It's been a tough couple of weeks. I guess I really needed to unload. Until next time................

Well, I was informed that I need to update this daily. I am not sure if I can accomplish that, but I will surely try. I have been feeling a little down lately. That could be because of my recent weight gain. I am not sure what is going on with me. I just know that something has to change soon. I am going to try my protein shake diet for at least a week to see if I can get some of this extra weight off. I am so uncomfortable. Jill has been spending a lot of time with her boyfriend. I am happy for her, happy that she has finally found someone that will treat her the way she deserves. As for my love search, I have put that on hold. I know that I will never find someone looking and feeling like I do right now. Well I have about 6 months until I turn 30. I can't really think about that, it stresses me out. I know good things will happen and come eventually. But I am impatient and can't stand having to wait. But I have to. Thats all for now.......